1. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
2. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
3. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
4. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
5. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
6. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
7. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
8. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
9. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
10. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
11. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
12. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; To steal from many is research.
13. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.