Fishbowl Battles

"Fishbowl Battles? What kind of title is that?" To be up front, this post is about preacher's kids. I have not always been a pastor's daughter, but I have been for about half of my life now. Though I was only 11 when my dad became a pastor, I remember the way it greatly changed my life, and the way I was viewed and labeled. While it has come with some good privileges, it has also come with some very real struggles that the public eye does not always see or understand. The point of this post is to give a little insight to the outsider about some of the struggles a preacher's kid faces. No, this is not to make you feel sorry for anybody, but preacher's kids are commonly labeled and misunderstood. I also understand that a lot of people think preacher's kids have attitudes, are stuck up, and think they're all that. I'm not disagreeing that some have become that way, because I have seen it happen; And that's not okay. But, while some may be that way, others also get put under that label. I have heard things like, "all preacher's kids are brats!" or "I don't really like preacher's kids." I have also been asked in surprise, "You're a pastor's kid?!" I will be addressing preacher's kids directly in this post as well as the outsider who may not understand the fishbowl battles.

 What do I mean by "fishbowl battles?" Sometimes, being a preacher's kid is like living in a fishbowl; all eyes on you and your life. Some people seem to watch your every move. Another reason I am posting this is to try and help preacher's kids - there are many preacher's kids out of church today, and sadly, already lost in eternity, because they couldn't handle the fishbowl life. They couldn't take the pressure of being expected to be perfect, never mess up, and be the example to everyone else. I'm not saying that God expects preacher's kids to be perfect, (Lord know they aren't!) but many times the people in the church sometimes watch and label without realizing how they are affecting the preacher's kid. The PK couldn't take the spotlight and when they struggle (just like every human being does) their mistakes and failures are often magnified and noticed above other's mistakes and failures, simply because they are the "preacher's kid," living in the fishbowl where everybody sees.  Many times the fish wants to hide in the shadows or under a rock to avoid the eyes of critics and the pressure that is sometimes hard to handle.

 I was never perfect, and never will be. Like I mentioned earlier, I have heard some people say that all preacher's kids were stuck up, spoiled brats, and I have seen others expect the opposite and assume that all preacher's kids have it together and that they should have it all together; Then when the PK makes a mistake, people are really disappointed, talk, and point fingers. I am thankful for good saints of God who prayed for me through the years that I struggled, and who saw me as a normal kid, like the other kids. I had feelings, struggles, and failures, just like all the other kids. When others seemed to watch and criticize my every move, decision, and failure, I sometimes felt like leaving. There have been days in the past where I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I remember many times, mostly in my younger teenage years, I would shut myself in my room and cry, wishing people wouldn't label me or expect me to be better than anybody else. It's not like I could blame them - Saints look to their pastor as their leader and example, and naturally, they look at his family as well. I'm not saying it's wrong to do that, for it's actually very normal. I would just like to challenge saints to not be jealous of your preacher's kids, or expect them to be better than everyone. Please realize they are normal kids, they have to deal with their flesh and overcome sin just like everyone else, and yes, sometimes they fall hard and fail big time. I've seen it happen many times. When they fall, the way you respond will either help them up, or it can kill them. I know that pastors are very thankful for saints who pray for their kids.

Many preacher's kids have "jumped out of the bowl" so to speak. Sometimes they have real struggles and problems and don't want to go talk to their parents about it, like most normal kids do. Yes, we know our parents are there for us, but sometimes there are things you don't want to talk to your parents about. Some kids go to their pastor or a leader in the church, but we can't go to our pastor - he's our dad! I mean, we can, but many times, especially among guys, they don't want to. Guys don't always want to go talk to dad, and as a result, they hold everything until they can't take it anymore, and then they're gone. If you know of any preacher's kids who have gone off church scene, please pray for them. They need it. You many not understand the personal struggles that they never talk about publicly, but please pray for them.

I have seen preacher's kids marry the wrong person because they were so desperate to get out of the spotlight and out from under the pressure at their church. Sadly, their marriage ended tragically because they married out of God's will, trying to get away from the life they didn't chose and felt like they couldn't handle anymore. Please don't misunderstand - not all preacher's kids leave God. There are many of them who have turned out to be preachers, preachers wives, and a great blessing to their church. I know a lot of good preacher's kids who really are spiritual leaders, and as a result, some people do get jealous and think that the preacher's kid thinks they're better than everyone else, when they really don't think that. Of course, I'm not excusing any preacher's kids that really are choosing to be stuck up and think they're entitled to everything. Like I said, this is not okay, and I want to challenge preacher's kids to think twice about the words you choose, the things you do, and the way you treat the peers in your church.

Do you view yourself as "better" than them?
Do you think you're more important than them?

You're not. Everybody is important. Just because you have been placed in the fishbowl doesn't mean it's all about you. Don't think you can get away with whatever you want just because your daddy is the preacher.

Philippians 2:5 & 7 - "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: ........... But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:"

With great privileges come great responsibilities. Preacher's kids: Don't feel like you need to be better than anyone, because you're not better than anyone. Be an example of a servant: care for others and give of yourself. You won't regret living the life of a servant.

Questions and comments are welcomed.